Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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