OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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