Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This house was built for laser tag.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
