i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
