I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
