she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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