she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
