There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love having hate sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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