This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
