it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He? As in you personified your dick?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
