His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
