I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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