Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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