don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
