She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
