franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
