dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
