He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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