Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
