if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
