i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
