I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
