talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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