Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
