weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
