The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
