there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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