So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
