We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
