Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
