I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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