just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
