Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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