ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
