he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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