Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
