i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
