I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
