my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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