): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
