my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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