I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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