I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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