Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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