OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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