who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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