Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just want nice things and good sex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
