literally had 100 drinks last night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I could make wine with my vomit
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
