I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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