Where did you get a picture of my penis
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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