you have to choose: penises or morals?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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